When people hear “negotiation,” they often picture something adversarial: pounding the table, making threats, trying to “win” at all costs. That’s not how I negotiate, and it’s certainly not how I teach my clients to negotiate.

The women I work with are skilled, thoughtful, and allergic to office politics. They don’t want to turn into jerks to get what they want. They want their income and impact to grow without drama.

That’s where relational negotiation comes in.

As with so many hard-working, conscientious professionals I've had the privilege of working with, the real challenge wasn’t the logistics of securing multiple offers. It was socialized guilt. Guilt is a learned emotion. It got ingrained in us by authority figures who wanted us to be—let’s be blunt—easily controllable.