What we do need is more women, more minorities, and more capable folks sidelined because of historic injustices speaking their desires and claiming their values — without guilt and without apology — while cultivating the kind of self-respect that nurtures mutual respect. 

The real secret to negotiating for what you want ISN'T something you don't already know. 

It's actually about DISSOLVING the reasons you hesitate, "wait and see", or avoid having conversations with people who can say no.