Why Networking Feels Fake, and How to Grow Your Career Without Faking It: A 5-Step Guide
[Photo by Mina Rad on Unsplash]
Once upon a time, fresh out of college, I’d turn my nose up at the mention of “networking.” Ew, I’d say reflexively. I don’t want to be schmooze-y.
In about a decade, my attitude did a 180, because I experienced firsthand what making connections could actually do.
Case in point: fourteen years ago, I went to see an acupuncturist to relieve stress-induced back pain, and a bit of casual banter on the table led to her introducing me to her husband, the CFO of a tech startup. Within weeks of that serendipitous connection, I landed a full-time job as Operations Manager supporting him.
It was the best kind of networking I’ve done. Serendipitously landing my next job in the act of taking care of myself.
But maybe you haven’t had a whirlwind moment like that yet. And so when someone tells you the next step in your career is “networking,” something in you tightens. It feels foreign. Transactional. A little inauthentic. Like you’re supposed to walk into a room, collect contacts, and figure out what you can extract from people you barely know.
Here's the thing: the discomfort isn’t a character flaw. It's a sign you’ve been handed the wrong definition of networking, and it’s conflicting against your integrity.
Here are five steps I suggest to my well-meaning introverted clients who want to grow their careers without being schmooze-y.
1. Change what “networking” means to you
The old association—networking equals getting something from people—is exactly what makes it feel gross. So try a different equation. Real relationship-building is mutual, curious, and open. You’re not there to only take. You’re there to do some collaborative give and take: giving and taking information about each other. This requires only a bit of curiosity, a willingness to listen, and an openness to share the parts of your career and life you choose to. But before all that, just start by being present with the human in front of you—and the awkwardness loosens its grip.
2. Lead with curiosity, not a pitch
You don’t need a polished value proposition — or any other prepared statement — to justify a conversation. You need genuine interest and a willingness to be curious (see point number 1). Walk in wanting to understand what the other person is working on, what they’re up against, what matters to them. Curiosity takes the pressure off you entirely, and it happens to be the fastest way to build a real connection.
3. Reframe growth as collective, not selfish
“More visibility, more connections, more problems” is a story, and it's keeping you stuck. Try a different one: you becoming more credible isn’t just about you. When you move up — because more people know about the work you do — you will make bigger decisions that ripple out to the people you serve, to the team that learns from you, to whoever follows the path you’re clearing. Becoming known isn’t entirely self-serving. It’s how good, effective leaders amplify their impact.
4. Take one small step at a time
You don't have to transform overnight. You send one email. You set up one conversation. You have one honest meeting with someone a level or two above you. That’s it. Momentum is built one deliberate action at a time, not in a single heroic leap.
5. Keep your purpose as the through-line
Anchor every conversation back to what actually drives you. When your work is connected to something you believe in, the performance falls away and you show up whole—confident, present, genuinely engaged. That's not a tactic. It’s the version of you that was always going to break through: the leader you want to be.
Ready to grow your visibility, influence, and impact as a leader without the cringe? I coach high achievers who are great at what they do but so done with superficial games. Book a free consult, and together we’ll map out your custom roadmap to purposeful conversations that drive your growth and let you make more meaningful impact without the ick.