How to Make Sense of Conflicting Feedback
One of my biggest assets as an executive coach is that I have a “PHD” in code-switching. I didn’t write a dissertation on it from an ivory tower. I earned my “degree” in life.
My training began 35 years ago as a nine-year-old kid recently transplanted from Seoul to the suburbs of New Jersey.
A year into ESL, I was then the fastest English learner in our family of five. I became the deputy translator for my immigrant parents, who were too busy running their Queens gift shop to learn the language of the bureaucracy around them.
I’m on the far left with my sisters, so happy to be eating Haagen Dazs next to my dad’s starter shop, which was basically a card stand in Times Square, NYC, circa 1990
In time, I wasn't just translating words; I translated power dynamics, stakes, and cultural expectations. I didn’t become "less Korean" to help them; I simply learned to bridge the gap.
A quick aside about code-switching:
While the critique of code-switching is well-intentioned, it often overlooks the reality of our lived experiences. Code-switching is a coping mechanism—and becoming skilled at navigating change is exactly how you build confidence in a world that never stops shifting.
Today, I leverage this lifelong skill to help outliers and high-achieving women turn conflicting feedback into a leadership edge.
How?
By using the mechanics of code-switching to solve "translation problems."
Which of this "translation" do you need most right now?
1. The Vibes-Based Feedback
The Feedback: Let's say you're like one of my clients -- a brilliant woman of color CEO delivering measurable excellence, yet the Board's feedback is inconsistent, subjective, and evasive. The subtext? “The vibes are off.”
The Reality: They haven’t yet decided if they can fully trust someone who doesn’t look or sound like the “standard” leader. (Enter eye rolls here)
The Strategy: In coaching, we don’t "fix" you, because your capacity to deliver results isn't broken. Instead, we treat the board’s need for “vibes” as a translation problem. We implement communication frameworks that signal they are heard without you ever conceding your authority. By moving away from defensive reaction, you shift into gracefully assertive leadership.
2. The Optimism Pivot
The Feedback: You’re told you’re “not optimistic” or “collaborative” enough, despite hitting every measurable goal.
The Reality: You’re the one in the room spotting the iceberg straight ahead, as the ship hurls forward at full speed, and everyone else is admiring the deck chairs. In other words, your systems-based thinking and genuine care for the team have you spotting problems before they occur, and people don't like the discomfort of confronting reality.
The Strategy: We don't turn you into a "toxic positivity" cheerleader. We translate your risk-assessment into a strategic road map. Meaning, you flip the script so your "pessimism" is recognized as high-level stewardship by the people whose opinion actually matters.
2. The Work-Speaks-For-Itself Myth
The Feedback: You’re watching Uninspiring Steve take up all the space and get the promotion you earned last cycle.
The Reality: Steve isn’t better at his job; he’s just better at narrative signaling. You thought your work would speak for itself and learned the hard way that work doesn't have a mouth. You do.
The Strategy: We translate your big picture thinking and deep capacity to get s*** done into a coherent leadership story. We co-create a plan to share this with potential champions and sponsors months ahead of the next promotion cycle, making your growth a done deal, not an afterthought.
Ready to stop playing the guessing game, the waiting game, and the lost-in-translation game?
If you’re tired of being the fastest learner and doer in a room full of people who don't understand your brilliance, let’s fix the translation gap.
Book a free hour-long consultation with me. We'll co-create a custom action plan so you can parlay your recent feedback into the promotion you’ve already earned. If and only if there's a mutual fit, then I'll support you in making a decision that you like about investing in coaching.
Fine print details:
Class-equitable sliding scale rates are available. The 2025 update is still in effect for Q1 2026 and you can read about them HERE. Please inquire about them when you book your consult.
