I read Women Don’t Ask … it changed my life. I realized when I was growing up in South Korea, it was common for women to haggle and bargain, so the concept of negotiating was natural. But in America, I saw most women were not comfortable negotiating for themselves.

That realization lit a fire in me. I thought, maybe it’s not about “fixing” women — maybe it’s about practicing what we were never taught to do out loud.

When you’re that rare woman, one of the handful of people of color, or the neuro-sparkly oddball in leadership…Navigating office politics and advocating for yourself is spiritual work.

Being gaslit, under-estimated, unfairly criticized and lowballed -- it happens to the powerhouse women I know. 

The capacity to not crumble in the face of injustice is a SKILL you can learn. It takes strength to NOT doubt yourself and make you wrong, because toxic workplaces have wronged you. And that strength is built through practice.

For many smart, competent women, the mere idea of being free of their self-doubts can trigger Socialized Guilt. 

Socialized Guilt is the culmination of -- over a lifetime -- being exposed to patriarchal conditioning, the message that we're wrong to take up so much space, to have power and to wield authority, because we're *supposed to* defer to others.

To be born into patriarchy, or any society that systematically gives the upper hand to men, is to be conditioned to internalize the falsehood that there’s something inadequate in us.

ESPECIALLY when we dare ourselves to ask for more power and money.

"When I think about asking for raise, my anxiety spikes, because what if they say no? I'll feel like a total failure." 

A BIPOC client said this to me the other day.

Read on for the three-step strategy I offered my client, so she can advocate for her career growth with more ease and confidence.

✨ Do this 1 minute exercise to dissolve 🫠 your anxiety 

Ahead of a negotiation, board presentation, or a difficult conversation…

(Or to stop 🛑 rumination when things are slow)

It’s NOT your fault if the path to promotion feels murky or unfair…

because in reality, it is FAR from true meritocracy.

And here’s the thing to remember.