From Underpaid to Executive Coach: How I Became My Own Boss
More than a decade ago, I was navigating a workplace that was never built for someone like me as an immigrant woman of color. I followed the rules, checked the boxes, and told myself that if I just kept being good and working hard, someone would eventually notice and reward me.
In other words, I was in Tiara Syndrome, the belief that if I just did good work quietly, some authority figure would eventually notice and "crown" me for it. And that metaphorical tiara never arrived the way it does in a 90s Disney fairy tale.
This is a story about the moment I realized why: I wasn't waiting for a reward I hadn't earned. I was waiting for someone else to hand me power I already had.
The Cost of Waiting
Early in my career, in finance, I found an industry report showing junior analysts like me typically earned around $100,000. I was making $50,000 in base salary. Fifty percent.
The first thought that crossed my mind wasn't, "I should negotiate." Instead I quietly spiraled into blame and shame: What's wrong with me, why didn't I know this, why didn't they offer me more. Unconsciously, I fell back to a habitual pattern of hoping, waiting, and staying silent, while stewing in my own resentment.
Nothing changed until I did.
When the Job Makes You Sick
I pivoted into tech and became a manager. On paper, I was doing everything "right." But I was still an outlier walking into "male, pale, sometimes Yale, and often stale" rooms, wondering if I could ever really belong.
I'm a highly sensitive person, and I have a chronic condition that makes me physically allergic to stress. I didn't understand the full impact of that at the time, but my body did, manifesting in recurring UTIs that wouldn't resolve after multiple rounds of antibiotics. It took years to connect the dots: my immune system was overreacting to constant stress.
The cost of staying in misaligned environments wasn't just frustration. It was my health, my vitality, my sanity.
The Remote Control Moment
The turning point came in an ordinary moment one Sunday at home. I was wrapped up in the Sunday blues venting about my micromanaging boss whose opinions I didn't care for. I moped feeling stuck and powerless.
My life partner listened, turned to me and said:
"Do you know you're in control of your career?"
It was like a stone shattering my illusion of powerlessness.
What?! Oh, damn…
He's right.
It was one simple question that illuminated how I'd unwittingly handed the remote control of my career to my boss, my colleagues, the company, the economy, everyone but me. That's what psychologists call an externalized locus of control, when all the control seem to exist outside of you, though it only seems that way due to an unconscious patterning.
From that moment on, I asked a different question: If I took the remote back, what would I do differently? Who would I become? What could become possible for me?
Choosing Sovereignty
Over time, that question led me to a sovereign mindset, the realization that I am ultimately responsible for my actions, my asks, and my exits. Because only I am in control of my perceptions, meaning-making, and beliefs.
Step by step, I started:
Learning the true scope of what's negotiable, not just salary, bonuses, severance, stock options, and vesting, but intangibles like emotional agency and identity.
Separating the invisible conditioning that made self-doubt feel like the default from the thoughts I get to choose about myself.
Building real relationships with mentors who could see beyond biases and acknowledge my future potential.
Leaving jobs that were a bad fit and negotiating safe landings through fractional work, partnerships, and customized offers.
Doing uncomfortable things on purpose, because staying stuck was more uncomfortable in the long run.
So about ten years ago, I made the decision to leave the environments that were making me sick and became my own boss.
Since then, as a self-advocacy trainer and executive coach for women and minorities, I've helped hundreds of smart, ambitious professionals allergic to office politics get promoted and better paid, earning over $3 million and counting in additional compensation. I say "and counting" because a better base salary or a better exit compounds over years. One good negotiation doesn't just change one year; it changes your trajectory.
Not Capitulation. Reclamation.
When women leave toxic workplaces or step out of roles that chronically undervalue them, it's easy to call that "giving up." As someone who's walked that journey, I don't see it that way.
It's saying: I will not outsource my worth to biased, broken systems. I will not sacrifice my health and sanity to keep other people comfortable. I will hold the remote to my own career, and I will use it.
That's how I left an unhappy job and became my own boss. Not through one dramatic leap, but through a series of decisions: reclaiming my agency, betting on a potential no one else could see, and walking away when the fit wasn't right for my wellbeing.
You have that remote too. The question is: what do you want to do with it?
If you're ready to find out, let's talk. As an executive coach for women managers and business owners, I help high achievers exceed systemic bias and prove to themselves what they're truly capable of.
Book a free 1:1 consultation and we'll map out what reclaiming your sovereignty could look like for you.