Perimenopause, Power & the Patriarchy: A Feminist Coach’s Guide to Thriving at 43
From Instagram @jamieleecoach
To the folks who tell me I look years younger than I really am —
WHY THANK YOU (it runs in the family, as you can see in the photo above, and I'm in the far right).
Please keep the flattery coming for another few decades.
But looks deceive.
I am in perimenopause at 43, and you know what?
I'm genuinely STOKED to share I started menopause hormone therapy over the weekend, and it is fantabulous: fantastic combined with fabulous times 10.
I'm wearing a 0.025 mg per day estrogen patch on my belly, and it is bringing me LIFE.
Real talk for a moment.
Most folks who were born with a uterus and ovaries will go through perimenopause ANYTIME between their 30s and 50s.
That's nearly every female manager I know. Every woman making moves in her career right now.
That doesn't mean we will all have hot flashes, irritability, brain fog, and achey joints — or a maddeningly chaotic combination of symptoms like I have over the past year.
But...
At some point, we will ALL encounter misinformation from doctors and hospitals — the very institutions imbued with authority, the same people we believed were supposed to be well-informed and have our best interests in mind.
They will tell us, "You just need to take it easy," or
"It's in your head," or
"Your tests came out normal, so we can't prescribe you hormones."
(Or worse yet, they will reference a flawed 2002 WHI study and scare you into believing you can get cancer from replacing hormones identical to the ones your ovaries consistently produced in your body for decades.)
We will feel gaslit and ignored, confused and lost.
Here's the thing:
Women are gaslit in the boardroom the same way we're gaslit in the doctor's office.
In both medicine and management, male norms — including male bodies, male behaviors, and male baselines — form the default standard.
While research and education on menopause remain deeply underfunded, perimenopausal women like me are told by their doctors that our symptoms are "just part of aging" or, in my case, a mysterious head-scratcher.
In a similarly crazy-making way, mostly male, pale, and stale leaders often tell women managers that they lack "executive presence" or need to "improve their communication" — even though their objective contributions outpace those of their male counterparts.
In both cases, the issue isn't women — it's the outdated model we're being pitted against.
So what can you do?
Whether it's your perimenopause or career journey, the most important thing you can do for your sanity, wellbeing, and not-just-barely-surviving-but-thriving is to:
TRUST YOURSELF.
Get informed.
Talk to real women.
—
Here's my story:
When conventional doctors (at the Urgent Care, ER, Cardiology, and even OBGYN) couldn't figure out what was wrong with me,
And when over-the-counter herbal remedies and prescription antidepressants did diddly squat for me,
I sought help and guidance from a women's online group -- a coven of wise, self-directed women.
They ALL told me menopausal hormone therapy changed their lives for the better.
With their encouragement and support, I found insurance-covered menopause care online.
It's been four days since I put on my first estradiol 0.025 mg patch, and I no longer have:
That unnerving sensation like my face is burning
Tinnitus in the ear
Persistent headache all throughout the day
Night sweats, insomnia
Inexplicable mood swings
Bone-deep fatigue, like I just can't bother with the most mundane of tasks
Trouble concentrating, or completely forgetting why I walked in the room
... basically, I've come back from feeling half-dead, thanks to menopause hormone therapy.
And the joy of being alive in my brain, body, and bone-density is *muah* chef's kiss.
I want every perimenopausal or post-menopausal woman to know about getting the best help that she can.
Here's what helped me:
Read. “The Menopause Brain” by Dr. Lisa Mosconi and “The New Menopause” by Dr. Mary Claire Haver.
Browse menopause.org for U.S.-based menopause doctors, practitioners, and providers.
Get insurance-covered support and prescriptions from ElektraHealth or Midi Health (for folks in the US).
Most importantly: trust yourself more than the system that keeps minimizing you.
In your corner,
Jamie
