Four Examples of When Asking Doesn't Guarantee a Raise -- But Still Changes Everything
Twenty years ago, Women Don’t Ask by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever opened our eyes to a stark reality: On average, women weren’t negotiating their salaries as often—or as assertively—as men.
Back then, the problem seemed straightforward, and the solution equally so: Get women to ask more often and ask for more, and the gender wage gap would close.
I read the book about a decade ago. It emboldened me to become a self-advocacy coach for women—and made me a Captain Obvious to my friends, constantly pointing out how much more they could earn if only they asked.
But fast forward to today, and the reality is more nuanced.
According to research by UC Berkeley professors, 54% of women graduating from a top U.S. business school negotiated their post-MBA job offers—compared to 44% of men. So yes, women are negotiating.
And yet, they’re still more likely to hear “no.” In another study, 7% of women reported unsuccessful attempts to negotiate raises—compared to just 4% of men.
What’s going on?
Too often, the approach women are taught is based on outdated models—confrontation, brinksmanship, and posturing.
(Ask me how I know: more than a few clients have told me about past negotiation coaching that boiled down to “act like a dude in a power suit or threaten to walk.” And it backfired.)
That’s why I coach differently (Read about it here: https://www.jamieleecoach.com/apply)
Because the win isn’t just about getting a “yes.” It’s about learning to advocate for yourself in a way that feels grounded, genuine, and generative—even if the answer is “no.”
Here are three reasons and four examples of why it's still worth negotiating:
1. Pattern Interrupt: Breaking Generational Scripts
Advocating for your pay is a radical act of disruption.
The default pattern—rooted in millennia of patriarchal conditioning—tells women to serve, to please, to stay agreeable, small, and self-sacrificing. It shows up as thoughts like: “I need to be liked.” “I shouldn’t ask for too much.” “If I work hard, they’ll reward me.”
Even for high-achieving women, that old script still whispers: Don’t ask. Don’t claim. Don’t challenge.
Why break the pattern? Because rewriting the script is the first step toward a more self-directed, liberated career.
Client case study: New patterns → new income After finally speaking up to a demanding boss, DeAndra rode the wave of courage to apply for her dream job—and landed it with a $50k salary increase. (Watch her interview with me HERE)
2. Accelerating Change: From Stuck to Strategic
Negotiation isn't just about money—it's about agency.
It’s about reclaiming your role as the sovereign—the ultimate decider of your own career trajectory.
It’s your moment to:
Reassess and re-decide the rules of engagement
Name what’s no longer acceptable
Build momentum—even if the answer is “no”
For some clients, negotiation sparks a major pivot.
Because at its core, negotiation is really a question: Does this agreement still serve me?
Client case study: Trust → transformation (and more money) When Sarah and I started working together, she was at a crossroads—ready for change, unsure how to begin. Through coaching, she built the self-trust to make a bold 180-degree career pivot, relocate to a new city, and start fresh.
That same trust showed up when she negotiated the terms of her home sale—on her own—and walked away with $50k more in her savings account.
3. Internal Shift: You Show Yourself You’re Worth It
Here’s the real truth: Even if you hear “no,” you’ve already won.
Because you showed up for yourself. You said: “I’m worth it.”
That inner shift creates ripple effects. It often looks like:
Kinder, more resilient self-talk
Stronger boundaries at work and home
A steadier nervous system—because you stopped abandoning yourself
And that grounded presence? It’s contagious. Your kids feel it. Your team sees it. Your community benefits from it.
Client case studies: Real results, beyond the job title
Amy applied the self-advocacy tools she learned in coaching to a personal situation—and got a four-figure loan repaid, quickly and without conflict. (Listen to her interview with me HERE)
Grace overcame years of self-doubt, launched her consulting agency, and hit 7 figures—fully booked within weeks. (Listen to her interview HERE)
‼️ No BS Disclaimer
Not every client becomes an overnight millionaire like Grace. And I’m not a magical genie. And no matter how well you prepare or communicate, hearing “no” is still a strong possibility.
But I share these stories to show what becomes possible when you:
👉 Shift how you relate to yourself—down to the neural level
👉 Make empowered decisions as the CEO of your career and life
👉 Apply what you learn across all areas of your world
This is coaching that creates ROI far beyond a paycheck. This is the ripple effect.
Coaching that generates ROI far beyond the immediate scope. That’s what we do.
If you’re ready to explore what ripple effects coaching could unlock for you — let’s talk.
Book your free Blueprint to Confidence session (a free hour-long consult) and let’s map out your next bold move, together: https://www.jamieleecoach.com/apply
P.S. I recognize that the gender wage gap is a real effect of social injustice -- or the unequal distribution of wealth, opportunities, and privileges according to race, gender, sexuality, and many other intersections of identity.
For this reason, I dedicate 25% of my coaching hours to be available to clients at a class-equitable sliding scale. I intend to make my coaching more accessible to women (and women-identifying people) across intersections of identity and economic class, to help level the playing field the best way I can.
I make the class-equitable sliding-scale fee option available on a rolling basis. At the time of this writing (May 2025), I have three spots remaining. To inquire about this, book your free consult today and add "sliding scale fee request" to the comments when you book your consult on Calendly.
