Dropping the Rope: A Power Move for Women of Color Navigating Biased Leadership Dynamics
A client of mine, a woman of color CEO -- let's call her Betty -- has never had a problem getting things done.
Like many of my coaching clients (read their results here), she's built a career on competence, grit, and the ability to make the impossible happen on a Tuesday morning before lunch.
Under her leadership, her executive team has exceeded goals — repeatedly — despite one nightmarish political maelstrom after another.
She's stabilized crises, inspired her staff, mapped out strategy, delivered measurable results… all while carrying the emotional labor no one names and few understand.
But when it comes to her board of directors (her bosses)?
It seems impossible to see eye-to-eye with them.
🌿 When You’re Doing Everything Right… and Still Get Scrutinized
Maybe you can sympathize with Betty.
You do good work and bring good news to your decision-makers. You present clear metrics and show outcomes that exceed the approved plan. You deliver the kind of performance any reasonable boss would celebrate.
But instead of acknowledgment, you get:
nitpicks
circular questions
fixation on trivial details
inconsistent standards and
a near-total absence of affirmation
It’s subtle. It’s polite. It’s quiet.
And it stings.
It’s the death by a thousand paper cuts — the microaggressions that are never overt, but always insistent.
A faint, steady hum of questioning your competence. A subtext that someone “like you” is capable… but never quite trustworthy.
And the worst part? You see the contrast clearly.
When someone who shares identity markers with the dominant in-group presents the same information to the decision-makers, they’re treated with ease, warmth, and benefit of the doubt.
The same outcomes. Two different responses. A pattern you can’t ignore.
You don’t need a DEI consultant to tell you what’s happening. You feel it in your bones.
🧵 The Invisible Tug-of-War for High-Achieving Women of Color
After working with so many women of color in executive roles, I’ve come to recognize the pattern immediately.
It feels like an under-the-radar tug-of-war between:
Your chronic need to prove yourself to decision-makers and
Decision-makers who tighten their grip, drag their feet, and withhold approval — even when you’ve exceeded expectations.
And the harder you pull to demonstrate value, competence, and good faith… …the tighter their end of the rope feels.
This is the trap your body feels before your mind names it.
It’s not your imagination. It’s not personal failure.
It’s the emotional tax of leading while being a person of a marginalized identity in a system that was never designed with you in mind.
✨ How We Navigate This in Executive Coaching
When I coach leaders through this, we don’t approach it on just one level.
We work across three intertwined layers — because the problem isn’t only political, emotional, or somatic. It’s all three. (Read more about my bespoke 1:1 coaching series here: https://www.jamieleecoach.com/apply)
1️⃣ Somatic / Embodied Stress Reset
Your nervous system reacts to injustices faster than your brain does.
Tight chest. Back pain. Spinning thoughts.
Feeling responsible for everything and yet acknowledged for nothing at the same time.
In coaching, we work on grounding techniques based on neuroscience and embodied awareness that help you reset in real time — especially in rooms where the power dynamics wobble and swerve.
These tools take you out of survival mode and into steadiness.
2️⃣ Political Navigation & Strategic Influence
This isn’t about being “pleasant” while bypassing the frustration you feel inside.
This is about being intentional about the resource that's wholly within your control: your energy and focus.
So in coaching we map:
who has influence
where the inconsistencies lie
who your allies are
how to script conversations
what to say in the moment
when to disengage
what needs to be documented and
how to protect your energy while leading effectively
You get clarity on the when, where, how, and with whom of high-stakes conversations — especially as you move toward moments of transition or leadership change.
You get clarity on the big picture, so you don’t get sidelined by a distraction.
3️⃣ Boundary-Setting and the “Drop the Rope” Shift
Before I explain this part, a note on attribution: The metaphor of “dropping the rope” has been used across mindfulness, conflict-resolution, and even sales training literature — often to describe the moment you stop engaging in a tug-of-war you cannot win.
Some variations of the phrase appear in therapeutic and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) contexts; others show up in marital conflict literature; and in the sales world, it’s explicitly used to help sellers release pressure so buyers feel safer engaging.
I’m adapting this metaphor for leadership — specifically for women of color navigating political complexity and racialized scrutiny — because it captures the exact emotional dynamic so many of my clients experience.
✨ Why Drop the Rope
At some point, you realize you cannot convince, over-function, or outperform your way into being treated fairly.
That’s where “Drop the Rope” comes in.
It means you stop participating in an emotional tug-of-war that drains you and yields nothing.
Not because you don’t care. Not because you’re disengaged.
But because you finally understand: You cannot control inconsistent people. You can only control where you invest your leadership. Dropping the rope is an act of sovereignty — not surrender.
It’s the quiet, powerful shift from proving yourself to trusting yourself.
💛 If This Resonates With You…
You’re not alone. Your experience is real, valid, and far more common than people acknowledge.
And here’s the truth: Leadership becomes infinitely more sustainable when you stop tugging for approval you don’t need — and start standing firmly in your own clarity, boundaries, and embodied power.
If you want to go deeper:
Check out the latest podcast episode on Risky Conversations on Dropping the Rope: https://podcast.jamieleecoach.com/2033808/episodes/18231850-dropping-the-rope-a-new-kind-of-power-move-for-women-of-color-leaders
Visit www.jamieleecoach.com and take the fun, quirky Leadership Archetype Quiz
Or book a free 1-hour consultation where you and I can co-create your custom coaching plan — so you can pick up the ropes that truly matter, and drop the ones that don’t: https://www.jamieleecoach.com/apply
