Locus of Control: Who’s Holding the Remote to Your Career?
There was a moment in my career that changed everything, and it started with one simple question from my life partner.
Years ago, I was spiraling at home, ruminating about a boss I didn’t respect, replaying frustrating conversations, and feeling completely stuck. My partner turned to me and said:
“Do you know you’re in control of your career?”
And my honest, immediate internal reaction was:
“Oh. Damn.”
In that instant, I realized I had effectively handed the remote control of my career to other people—my boss, my colleagues, the company, the economy, the headlines. I was letting everyone else decide how I felt and what was possible for me.
That’s when I started to understand the concept of locus of control in a whole new way.
What Is Locus of Control?
Locus of control is an academic phrase for a simple but powerful idea:
Who do you believe is ultimately in charge of your outcomes—you or the outside world?
With an external locus of control, you believe your circumstances are mostly determined by things outside you: bosses, gatekeepers, the market, “how things are,” what other people think.
With an internal locus of control, you believe that while you can’t control everything, your own decisions, actions, and mindset are the primary drivers of your results.
When your locus of control is external, life feels like this:
You’re constantly reacting to other people’s opinions.
You feel swept away by circumstances.
You blame external forces for how you feel and where you are.
You’re waiting for someone else to notice you, reward you, or save you.
That was me in my “before” state. I was:
Replaying negative exchanges with bosses I didn’t like.
Anxious and timid about speaking up.
Hoping someone would magically see my value and “fix” things for me.
Working hard but not initiating career conversations, because I didn’t think I had that kind of power.
I had the skills. I did not yet have the sovereignty.
Why So Many Women Start with an External Locus of Control
If you recognize yourself in this, please don’t use it as another reason to beat yourself up. There is a very good reason so many women start out with an external locus of control.
We’re socialized into it.
We grow up hearing messages like:
“Don’t make Tommy feel bad.”
“Be nice.”
“Don’t rock the boat.”
Embedded in those messages is the notion that other people’s emotions are our responsibility—and that our job is to keep things smooth, agreeable, and comfortable for everyone else.
Add to that:
Gender and racial bias in workplaces
A culture that often punishes women who self‑advocate
The reality that women leaders receive more negative, subjective feedback about their personalities and communication
…and it starts to make sense why we might locate power “out there” instead of in ourselves.
So if you’ve been placing your locus of control outside of you, it’s not a personal failing. It’s an understandable adaptation to a broken context.
But it’s also an adaptation that keeps you underpaid and underpowered.
The Tiara That Never Comes
There’s a concept I love called tiara syndrome: you work hard, you’re good, you’re conscientious—and you’re quietly waiting for someone to come along, notice you, and place a metaphorical tiara on your head.
You’re waiting to be chosen.
You’re waiting to be rewarded.
You’re waiting for permission.
The problem is, the tiara never comes.
When your locus of control is external, you’re essentially saying, “I’ll feel valued when they finally recognize me. I’ll make a move when they give me the green light.”
You’re standing there with the remote in your hand—only it’s not in your hand. It’s in theirs.
Bringing the Remote Back to You
The shift to an internal locus of control doesn’t mean pretending systemic issues don’t exist. It doesn’t mean gaslighting yourself into believing everything is your fault or your responsibility.
It means this:
You stop outsourcing your sense of worth to people you wouldn’t even invite to Sunday brunch.
You start making decisions from the person you’re becoming, not the person you’ve been or how you were conditioned.
You take responsibility for your actions and your asks, even in an imperfect system.
For me, this looked like:
Learning negotiation skills and realizing how much was actually negotiable—compensation, title, scope, exits, consulting retainers, and more.
Leaving bad‑fit jobs instead of staying and hoping someone would rescue me.
Taking calculated risks on myself and my ideas.
Choosing to see myself as the sovereign of my career, not a passive character in someone else’s story.
And when I started coaching other women through this same shift, I saw the same pattern again and again:
As they reclaimed an internal locus of control, they started negotiating more—and they started getting more.
You Put the Tiara On
Here’s the truth I want you to sit with:
No one is coming to crown you. You put the tiara on.
When you bring the locus of control back inside, you’re not denying the reality of bias or structural barriers. You’re saying:
“I see the context clearly.”
“I refuse to make that context mean I’m not enough.”
“I’m willing to ask for more anyway, and to walk away when people can’t see my value.”
You hold the remote.
You choose your next move.
You vote—for yourself, with your tribe, and, when needed, with your feet.
That’s what sovereignty looks like in your career.
Hi! I’m Jamie Lee, an executive coach for women. I work 1:1 with women who are ready to bring the locus of control inside, step into sovereignty, and advocate for themselves as a leader.
If that’s you, you’re invited to book your free hour-long consultation with me today.